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summer palace, beijing, china
by Veronica Shoffstall
After a while, you learn the subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns
If you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
And you learn
With every goodbye you learn.
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For a long time, I had an unfounded arrogance. I thought I was better than everyone else. Then reality hits, and that arrogance fell apart. I thought I was nothing. Now, I think I am just a normal girl. I am talented in some ways, and horrible in other ways, and that's just the way I am.
My friend said the other day that she wished she could go back to 16, when things are easy and carefree.
But I don't. I like myself much better now. Sure, things were a lot easier back then. Growing up means a whole series of complications, responsibilities and challenges. But at the same time, I am getting to know the complicated me every single day. Rejections don't phase me as much. Criticms won't always be taken personally. I rarely get angry, like I use to do. I strive to be healthy and exercise, but I don't examine if my ass look too big in those jeans all the time. I don't feel disgusted eating a piece of chocolate because I think it would make me fat, rather, I enjoy every morsel of good food that I choose to have. I put make up on, not to please others, but to please myself. I am a grown woman now. Though I am still playful and silly at times, I am realistic and I am strong. I have fears but I'm getting at controling them. I still get jealous and I still judge other people, but I can separate those thoughts from what I think is the right thing to do and think.
And I appreciate stability that I create in my heart and soul, rather than superficial, material stability. Money in the bank makes me feel safe for a while; self-assurance in my soul makes me feel safe for the rest of my life. I could go low, very low, to living like a pauper, and it wouldn't destroy my sense of worthiness. I could also go high, very high, to be pampered like a princess, and it wouldn't blow my head up like it use to do.
I learned to take life like I take the British weather. It could be all sunshines in the morning, but then suddenly it is raining in the afternoon. I could be cold outside, then too warm inside. I learned not to curse the rain that lasts for weeks, but to rejoy in the refreshing air, and the cool breeze.
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| Love is such an elusive word. It's not a 'thing'. It's merely a feeling. It's that enlightened, 'a-ha' moment when you feel like everything falls into place, when you feel like you could well be the same person as the one you are in love with. Your pupils dilute. Your heart beats faster. You feel like you're floating in the air the whole time. Everything beomces beautiful. Even nasty rain becomes romantic. Mud on your new shoes become natural & beautiful. Everyone is smiling at you.
But we all eventually lose that feeling, sooner or later. Experts say that romantic love cannot last for more than a year. After that passion turns into familiarity and attachment. you treat your lover like part of your family and that becomes the real test of your relationship. Can you still stand each other after the craze is gone?
Perhaps then it makes a lot of sense why often couples who got married only after months of dating end up splitting just as fast. Perhaps then it also makes sense why so many couples split up after years of dating. The normal reaction when you hear such news is usually 'really? But they've been dating for ages. How can they just give up like that? So many years wasted!' but often the reality is that the relationship fell apart long time ago. When they finally split up, it's only lucky they finally did because it probably never would've worked in the first place.
So there is no guarantee, no matter how long you date. There is no tests that can truely tell us whether you're in love or not, or whether your relationship is going to work out or not.
Sometimes I wonder, wouldn't it be brilliant if there is such a thing as a love test that's similar to a pregnancy test? You some of your body fluid on the stick (saliva?) and it says, 'you're in love' or 'you're not in love'.
Wouldn't life be much easier if we can do that?
On the other hand, isn't the uncertainty of love that ultimately makes this game so exciting? If we already know we're in love, or we're not in love, the mating process might as well be a mechanic process, churning out couples in love.
Imagine if we can detect love acurately, in a scientific way, I'm sure there will be new lifestyle medications to literally 'improve your love life' (but not in the viagra way).
'Want to be more in love and experience the walking in clouds feeling longer? Take this pill!'
So uncertainty means hope. It means the next one could be the love of our lives, and that's why we continue to try, to open up, to overcome those awkward moments of first dates, to experience the embarrasment, the excitement, the tears, the pain and all that comes with a wonderful feeling called love.
and love has so many kinds. some are like this
some are like
some are like
some hikes up but end abruptly (perhaps into the territory of hate)
some does not have a hike but is long-lasting and patient
Like really good clothes, there is no one size fits it all. There is no 'love should look like this'. Whether you're in love or not, only you would know.
And ultimately love is an action. So many empty words have been said about love. People can throw around words if they want. Whether you should believe them or not is up to you to observe their actions. do their actions say love as well?
Love today, remain the single bigest entertainment of human lives. Think of the motivations behind all the things we do. Love play a huge part everywhere. Think of all the money movie and film industries made on the topic of love. Think of why we do so many things we do - is to be more loveable. Sure we enjoy the things we do, but deep inside, the need to be loved always play a part.
We cannot escape it. We cannot run away. We will fall in love, at one point or another. We will be hurt, at one point or another.
So why not surrender now?
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